Tsarina of Life

‘Tsarina of Life’

The vines of my hands were looking for you
With last of leaves reaching a face
Every – none
Millions of faces – single sight
Therefore nature I tricked again
‘Fool yourself,’ oracle’s whisper
‘Let your past turn into crystal
Let your inner fines to triumph
Over of what you see, feel, and have
Bury the reds in browns, black in oranges
Skeletons in browns, in skeletons litter’
Genoholic dance it is:
Chimneys spitting archetypical bane
Da Vinci’s wisps
Colonnades of senses fester with smoke
Stair-cages reach shoulders, mouth, and eyes
The vines of my storms writhe in a frenzy
With Themis’ weeping dry sources of life
Plant vegetation is absorbing me
Here I am: a plant with roots reaching the sky
My photosynthesis aims at core of Earth
Instead of face – flowers
Instead of land – mist
I just pray to myself, in myself
So my leaf drifted off to smoking pillars
And mist in the meadow dropped up
Where the roots are hungry for the sun
And leaves for the soil

I’ve whole life waited for death at birth-giving
And flowed out from fabrics of limbo
Into the crimson measures’ lingo
The indifference floods with bloods
Here is the dew for my flower buds
The face of my armour melts again
Sensation demons steal the distances
Dogs of desire are raping my fate
Dogs of disgust carrion are carrying
Only compassion lives in my head
For me, for you, and for God as well.

Ein Sof

‘Ein Sof’

God dilutes behind Euclid’s dam’s clue
Marks lack of responsibility with navy-blue

Defiled with existence, as if stain on white-lightness
Spreading Its tentacles from centre to darkness

With dogma assigns fingerous arts
Yet with no wind, need, or sounds
One says it’s close, other – far
The implosion of Big Bang
Surgical precision of Zim Zum
Swirl, algorithm, dust, and hum
Disorder of being’s refinery
Let there thought become antimattery!

Black hole – distinct existence
The scabs of closed up premises

Cling to their mother-father
Have mercy, mathematical order,

Upon our aesthetics of chaos
Patterns of madness govern us

Worthless we are, worthless
Nullens – one cert senseless

Based on love or unnoticed crime
Who has pronounced the melody of time?

Who has injected dimension in reverie?
Angular love and never eternally

Pattern, shape, equation, function
The world is changing beyond laudation

Cloud-stain, linear barrage
World bequeathed to embarrass

Scream, flash, thought, and ground
The world is born in its moribund.


I stretch out my arms as a sign of the cross,
It’s a holy pose of God on Earth.
I look down at low, lowland cases.
The cross suddenly melts with my body,
We become a unity –
It is me who is the cross,
On which someone dies…

Excerpt from story ‘Butterfly Effect’


‘The most unnoticed, little butterfly play on secret, undiscovered meadow. Their little wings’ delicate moves, their chase after sun and life, and sudden, unheard sound of burst on unknown planet, volcano eruption of rare elements… Coincidence? The flutter of butterfly wings, the vibrations of its little legs and antennae significant merely to this particular butterfly, only to its, perhaps, one day life cycle, in which it executes only a program imposed on it by millions of years of its evolution… Ostensibly… What takes place inside the body of an insect and what takes place elsewhere, in the matter of animate or inanimate, are together in close connection. Cause and effect radiation – it is the inter-quantum processes in the deepest and most mysterious layers of matter. These processes should be considered in terms of high intelligence, where human mentality may seem simple, haphazard and ineffective. Reactions and movements in an insect, unimportant corpus of the butterfly can be looped with a nuclear reactor of one of the stars. They can be looped with a nuclear reactor our sun… Insect’s flight determining intergalactic change? Why not? The world is an entirety of interconnections – one big organism, where there is no room for chance or arbitrariness. That coincidence or arbitrariness if they occur, they implement is a powerful feedback – reactions unpredictable, random events, historical discharges of space or changes in the basic structure of physicality and physics. Question: Is there a method of calculation of these randomized events and possibility of predicting their consequences? Well, no, ladies and gentlemen, even for a mind akin to the divine outlook, seeing totality of the causes and totality of the events this is an impossible task. On the same principle, evolution of life and matter works. The accident in the two plays both marginal and decisive role. How is this possible? High improbability, even impossibility, competes here with the factor determining the entire system. It is precisely the randomness to become a factor determining the origin of life and human, intelligence, health and mortality. Every movement, physical action has its end’s lightning, even the most neutral and innocent thought has its measure and finality as responsible for matter. And if, paradoxically, in its purest form, matter does not exist, the thought in the hands of the mind seems to be a potter of the clay of existence, since, by measuring, observing and touching appoints her to be. An ordinary dance of flies – chaotic, nonsense game – may be a creation of advanced atom sequences – a spectacle of physics, especially, when observed by consciousness. It is when it becomes a part of physical reality, but also empiric, human. And thus we are left with twofold processes officially known – conscious – human, and ‘unconscious’ – quantum-chemical. Dear students, answer one question, please: which of these processes are of higher value: conscious or chemical ones? Which have lower degree of error? Which are more sublime, thoughtful, effective, productive? Is it when we buy not enough peas for dinner or when hydrogen combines with oxygen? The answer seems obvious: both. Even the most ridiculous, ill-considered action, thought or decision is significant, since contributes to an infinite number of results within the essence of the universe. That is why human life is so important: our mistakes echo throughout the universe. Our random decisions, unusual, reckless, illogical mark our presence as a failed system. We draw attention with our stupidity and lack of knowledge of matter of existence. Quantum reality, or even chemical, makes no mistakes, even though, each of them is based on game theory – randomness and probability. The more intelligence is, how should I call it, „curved” into bodily, physical features, the more it is prone to be mistaken. Human is simply defective and that is why he is so important. That is why, paradoxically, emotions and thoughts are so essential – through their latent and ephemeral radiation, seemingly weak or non-existing, they are managing giant forces of cosmos. Some even believe that it is in human psyche, conscience, memory, and action will be found a spark to change the world, and perhaps even the universe (we never know how far folly of men goes), they believe in the importance of human erring, they bind, for example, the theory of Earth’s poles exchange, and maybe even the sun’s, with the transition of the human psyche onto the next level of vibration and understanding. According to them, we should practice quantum transformations in psycho-existential experiments to improve our being, to introduce it to a new stage of development. This is connected with the theory biocentrism, which attributes a vitality to chemical and physical processes, basing its theses on what we might call the energetic evolutionism. The universe is then a holistic organism, and every form of individual, seemingly separate entity is a manifestation of that whole. From its micro-predication at the moment of inception up to an almost infinity, and perhaps infinity, the universe has a purpose and that purpose is to develop physical, chemical, intellectual forms and directing them through possibly the shortest and easiest path to divinity. Along the course of history of being follows its compexification and divinization. What is the conclusion out of this? In that approach universal consciousness is primary and prevails over the particular one. What does it mean? Human mind is a subordinate part of a larger whole, and only errors liberate it from this authority, the errors being the highest, and perhaps, the only manifestation of consciousness with which we deal, and, perhaps, the success of the whole project of sonorously sounding name “God” depends on them. A moth and galaxy primordially, ladies and gentlemen, were parts of the same unity. Due to world’s fission they transformed into separate beings – but only illusory. Rooted in single pre-being, being in communication and positioning itself energetically towards each other are merely a manifestation of the same existence. Is not consciousness an integral part of matter? And conversely, is not materiality a participation of our souls? Is not man, by chance, on the basis of alone self-awareness, seizing the whole of consciousness for himself not only refusing it not only perception, but the existence itself throwing himself into an independent emptiness. If we observe the existence in so many symptoms why can we not equate with it? Why what we observe cannot catch up with what we think? Maybe it’s time to dump a man from his pedestal and take away him any power? After all, butterfly, orb, plastic, or moth is in this light equal. Great power has its antipower. Great importance – great trifle. There would be no sense without nonsense, order without chaos, being without nonbeing. The world is stretching between the two extremes and this stretching to me is formation and duration of the universe – it is Genesis for me. Every intention, movement, idea sends a specific message and awaits in return for a response in the form of a corresponding agreement. On the principle of immediacy. Perhaps each of us is combined with distant cosmic elements. Perhaps each particle has its twin sister – does not have to be “aware” of this inseparable connection and its mutual influence on the two foci of energy, matter or information, because these connections do not take place or do not exist on the basis of physical regularity. Mechanics of these mergers is not based on spaciousness, but on poetry, mathematics and art that man only recently, so to speak, licked. Geometrical space-time systems, turbulences in vessel-field of winds and clouds, pressures and spheres, poems about proportions and assignments, delegations and subsidies, weather phenomena about which our, human eyes will not have dreamed for a long time yet… For next class, please familiarize yourself with real butterfly effect from the works of Edward Lorenz. Have a nice day.’

A Dialog of Love and Strife

Encore une fois:
A little way conducting others gives a prescription fruitful of soil.
Mercy? Compassion? Eternal flame? Arche-like type will do!
No need to worry, no need to strive.
But, are not you coming to feast off the pot?
Cheerful indifference – is that how you call it?
Aimed to be happy, possibly gay…
Thus where’s been no-one-ness – neutral-to-be?

From the richest god-like suburbs, to where gods bring sacrifices.
From the time-less and space-less melody to eternal irrelevant talk.
Non-perpetual, non-straitening blow
So one’s hand in charge of all?
Soliptique essence – grammatic nuisance: Diltheyous fight that lasts too long.
Eternal recurrence – arch-in-time doubt: Nietzschéen plaisir of moral too strong.
Too many ways in one single flux?
Too much of willing accumulated?
Don’t worry, though, a friend of mine,
As saying goes:
‘Thy pantha rei…, thy souffrances de noblesse.’
Yes, indeed is boring god’s touching of neither struggle nor friction
Imbibing pounding of rhythm to become myriads of addiction
Charta non erubescit – let’s say it straight: inhale and exhale, faster and faster
Until the blow comes, the blow ends and the blow gives up on being a master
See it? No? A pity… That’s why the Spinning Wheel leaves you behind
Giving no life-frame to greedy corps apart from one and single mind
‘Scandal!’ You say. ‘You’re not the sower who’s cast forth his seed!
You are a bleeder! A Schwächeparasit! A timorous spit!’
Maybe – I say – the Axis though of touch-and-go belongs to me…
Maybe – I dare – the Shadow though of frame and loss describes my will

Excerpt from novel ‘Bambi’

“Remember, animals are to teach you humans; they may love you, enjoy your hands’ touch, but they may also bite. See these ants, they have their own ways, their ant hill is their society and system. It works well, even though, perhaps, could work better… but when you do this,” she took the stick she was keeping in her hands and put it straight in the ant hill.” A sudden panic starts, the ants run aimlessly in all directions, out of fear they bite everything and everyone, try to defend the old order, the system they built for generations, they hate outer influence, they fear of novelty. Now, imagine ants as human beings and imagine yourself as that stick. A lion will be your friend, an eagle too and many friends you will gain, yet there is animal more powerful than shark or cobra and this animal is called a crowd. The mind of a crowd is a mind of a beast of many legs and one head. It is a beast of ancient taste – old and changeless thus cruel for change. Be prepared to face this beast – the queen of ants of many legs.”

Excerpt from short story ’44 Lives’

Have you ever been awakened by smell? I have. Sweet-sulphureous… Invaded my sleep changing its content. It was the smell new, unknown and thus so disturbing. This morning I did not know that that smell would become an integral part of that reality around me. As if it was my nostrils producing it from that morning, as if I came from another country or even another part and I am not accustomed to the smell of a new area, if suddenly a factory was built where furnaces would burn what? Exactly what? Cotton candy? Was this the aroma of roasted cotton candy? Carmel and acid? Burning sweets? – this was the closest association. Anyway – something was wrong with the air, everywhere, for everyone – the world began to stink.

XVII Excerpt from ‘the Dreamsharers’

What if they reach for divinity in form of chemistry? Given not the power they take it themselves when they have to decide: being God or dead – everything or nothing… Is not chemistry a shortcut to eternity, shortcut to God? She thought. How many of great visionaries had been misled by their own moral reflection, achieving levels where no ordinary man can step onto neither by prayer nor meditation, neither by exercises of will nor sacrifices? They had gone through the shortcut of chemistry. Their moral disturbance linked with shortcutting the path to enlightenment and the “chemical enlightenment” itself, as publicly deprived, left them both gods of a moment and social outcasts, betrayers, losers of a lifetime.

…They are raised to a great height, that they may tumble with a heavier fall…

She could not yet release herself from the thoughts which used to live in this attic, and she already knew, that not only this room would be from now their home, she knew, that through delicate humming bird’s flight they sat and build a nest in the branches of her mind too. She didn’t mind. Successive private miracles that no one cared to listen about…
‘When one man, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself.’
Oh Jacques Cousteau! If you only knew how uncommonness can be painful, if you only once felt the weight of uniqueness… You would not waste your words…
She looked around one more time. Her sight stopped at different book laying on the table – much better known – the Bible.

“…Do not you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.”

She wondered how many great spirits resigned from showing their minds and talents to the world in regard to this sentence. How much of beautiful thought, inventive idea have been hidden deeply just for this simple rule?